Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ceiling Fan Sex

I shit you not...I sat straight up in bed at 3 at A .M yesterday because I could have sworn that I heard a MAN moaning and gasping and all while in "the act". Im thinking, damn.....that guy next door is pretty loud....and yes, I was still listening.....when I realized it was coming from the darn fan over my head.

So why was I listening? Well...if you have been around at all and have read this blog, you KNOW that I am a student of human nature---also known as a voyeur. Shoot me , ok? I yam what I yam.

What do I do???? Use WD40?, readjust the blades, recharge the rabbit and take advantage of the sound effect? I understand that this could be a good thing, but I also feel like it could be taunting me.........Any thoughts? (NOT YOU, JOE)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Moving, Moving On, Moving Out, Moving Along,Moving Up, Moving My Ass......

Ahhhh moving....As in moving from one place to another.....I hate it, dread it, but still, you'd think I'd be an expert by now. Grew up moving with my parents whenever a "better" opportunity came along in the way of building management, moving when I ran away and joined the Army, moving when I married an Army man, and of course the inevitable moving when the Army/Police man moved on to the trophy wife (please refer to Balls 1 and Balls 2----and that was ALL by the age of 24.
I hate it SO much, that I took 3 whole weeks to do it. I only moved as much as I could transport in my car one trip at a time, in the back seat and trunk without anything touching doors or ceiling of the car-unlike the illustration at left. Hence, the lack of update to my blog on a regular basis (well, as regular as it ever was).
The good news is that Im done and my life is settling into some semblance of its former self, albeit in a different setting. I HAVE although been finding things and making notes for future posts, so stay tuned.....

Monday, September 1, 2008

Surrogate Cat Sex

My kitty is in heat--My four-footed one,thanks
(no, Joe: Mine is not on the shelf, Bucko)

The poor thing is so miserable and Im going to get her fixed...she is on the list at the Spay Shuttle. Palm Beach County's answer to low cost, conveyor belt styled spay and neutering services. She is #1600 or was when I called and scheduled 2 months ago....

In the meanwhile, she is miserable and so are we. Its not the caterwauling that is usually the norm,but rather the rubbing and grunting and squirming and POSTURING that is the problem. So, I went online---and here is what I found. Once I got done laughing at the sheer perversity of introducing a q-tip into my cats vagina and simulating sex, I hid all the q-tips in case my son happened to read this post. Without further ado....please read the article that started it all....

How To Calm A Cat In Heat <--If anyone else has any realistic and less bestiality type hints, please feel free to let me know. Until then I will be attempting to cut in line at the Spay Shuttle...