Could it be????

Twins separated at birth? Amy Winehouse without that huge beehive thing on her head....and Jerry Seinfeld.

I love her music and Jerry makes me laugh and reminds me of my friend Joe.

Lean On Me..When Your Not Strong...I'll Be Your Friend, I'll Help You Carry Ooonnnn....

Sometimes life gets a little crazy. Sometimes we need a little help. Sometimes we want to help a little. It's all okay-really....

Im sure that you have all heard that teachers are overworked and underpaid. Its been like that for awhile and likely to continue, Obama or no Obama. So it's nice when you can turn to a peer for some simple words of encouragement, a shoulder to cry on , share a funny story or just vent..

Well, here at the Ridge, thats exactly what's happening . In our own classroom at lunchtime, we gather to get some therapy. Jennifer is a teacher during the day, a graduate student in Psychology at night, a tutor at night, a single mom of two and trust me, I don't know how she does it. She is intelligent, very hard working, thoughtful, creative, and caring. Which is why she conducts our "Lunchtime Therapy". Here is a clip of her last session (which happened to be today)

I Fear It's Getting Worse, Folks.....

Spotted on Craigslist personals this morning.....



freins first is okay(but if good loving dont fallow?) - m4w - 55 (oakland pk blvd)
Reply to: mailto:pers-919857172@craigslist.org?
Date: 2008-11-15, 3:27AM EST


you need to find a gay person

hi i am from lebanon all that freind stuff (& going out )with no hope in sight is a boaring realation (dont you think)

get a dog call me i f you need a good man w/solid back bone

sam 954 552 3437

better yeath send me your photo (i hope you dont look like you know)


Location: oakland pk blvd
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 919857172





Here is my (never to be mailed) response:




Dear Sam:
In addition to the atrocious spelling, which is making my eye twitch as I scan my desk for a red pen, I must comment on the fact that you do not exactly present as God's gift to women.
And, no, "sam" I don't know what you mean when you write that if I send a picture, "you don't look like YOU KNOW"---you mean, LIKE YOU?
Because unless you have an enormously huge penis, or tongue or bank account, I predict that you will be advertising on Craigslist for a looooong time.
Some suggestions:
1. Use spellcheck/dictionary/or a smart friend to correct your spelling and grammar.
2. Leave gay references out of your ad---it screams IGNORANT!!
3. Make sure you have a solid erection to go with the solid backbone.
4. Don't post a picture of you and your mother (or is that you with "YOU KNOW"...in which case
it explains the expression on your face.
I will be checking back often to see how you are doing....I hope that your ad does not migrate to the "casual encounters" section, but I suppose you must do what you must do.....
Good Luck,
Annette

Happy Veterans Day----Some More Reasons To Be Thankful

Thirty- two years ago, I had the bright idea of joining the Army (obviously the circus wasn't in town, or it could have gone that way). Let me set the scene: 18, problems with authority, hard headed, defiant, lazy, loud, disco queen, etc (Can someone say, "Private Benjamin?). You get the picture. All the things the US Army DID NOT want. I will not bore you with the details of my enlistment except to say that a good time was had by all (except perhaps my family, when I did stupid things that worried them). I DID have the dubious distinction of being in the first group of women to be known as "soldiers" and not WACs (Womens Army Corp) as we were the first to engage in co-ed basic training and responsible for the same level of mastery in all areas as the men--right alongside them .

What this country should be thankful for was that as a Vietnam War Era veteran, in a peacetime Army, I did not see combat. A few photos to snap you back into reality and be thankful for me. Don't thank me for being a veteran, thank me for not re-enlisting.....

Who Me? No, I dont know how your air mattress got holes in it!!!!

Not a sobriety test -->

Martha Stewart would be proud...this is my barracks room---all Holly Hobbied and Micky Moused up!!!!

I'm tellin ya...count your blessings, America!!!!

Name That Answer.....

There was a show once upon a time...It was called " Name That Tune"..The contestants would listen to a melody and name it before their competition did. Nice show, I really enjoyed it.

Name That Tune Michael vs. Barbara Part 1 of 2
by JackBauer112

Fast forward about 26 years.....The boy-child calls and asks for advice...could be cooking, cleaning, laundry, relationships, etc......whatever.I am advised that it is stressful for him to call because I have too much to say...

Not a problem, I know that I overdo the conversation to include pros, cons and alternatives to whatever the question was......usually losing the caller in the end.....

So now, my son prefaces his calls with the phrase, "Name that answer in 10 words or less. mom, I'm in a hurry"..this is usually in response to something he needs in the grocery store, work issues, school, and he needs it immediately-if not sooner. Love that about him....nothing has changed in 26 years.....So, now I have to name that answer in 10 seconds, give or take a few?Well, i'll try, but i can't promise...I'm Latin...nothing can be said in few words.
But seriously, he is my first...how can I deny him??? OK- I'll try....

Who am I kidding? Both my kids are MOST important... So, I better get it right

Chocolate News...No, Really !!

Here it is Wednesday. I'm recovering from my Tuesday Election night festivities at a local tavern (my candidate won) and very thankful that I can now go home and relax AND sleep. I get a call from a friend that I MUST watch South Park (I haven't watched that since Cartman found out about his father, or mother or something).
Well, I watched it and then this show called "Chocolate News" comes on. It's kind of like the Dave Chapelle Show, except its hosted and done by David Alan Grier. In any case, his opening monologue of course is the to-be-expected speech about Obama, and history and MLK yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy the right person won, but its hard to beat the classy, eloquence of Obama's victory speech that night, and frankly, I'm done with hearing others go on about it.
So anyway, he goes into this skit where he is dressed as a woman who worked the polls during this election.....This is a great stuff....Wednesday night folks...Comedy Central....10:30, after South Park. Tune into "Chocolate News".....you will pee your pants. I did, but I'm menopausal...it's different with me....

Not as Smart as I Thought.....

I admit it...I'm stumped. The behaviorist, strategist, modification whiz... stumped!!!! Can you believe it? It is sooo frustrating to me that it almost brings me to tears.....

I know that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over while expecting different results....So why do I keep extending myself and keep giving people the benefit of the
doubt if time and time again they end up disappointing me? and of course, each time I end up feeling more stupid....

Could be Karma....I know that I have disappointed people who gave me the benefit of the doubt and then got nothing in return--or worse. So tell me beloved blog readers----what to do? I am open to all suggestions. I can't feel any worse than I do right now....

Dick n' Sandwich

Yup....you heard right. A few years ago, we were sitting around hours after the Thanksgiving meal, when my son said he wanted to have some pie. I said I was hungry as well. He asked what I was in the mood for and I said, "A dicken sandwich".

I thought my son's head was going to come off his shoulders. You would have thought I suggested that both he and his sister and I bond over some Brazilian Waxing sessions. It took some explaining, but he realized that I was talking about a REAL sandwich and not anything, uh...hmm, well, you know.....not a DICK and then a SANDWICH.

I'M YOUR MOTHER, FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!! I'm open, but not THAT open!!!!!

After the initial shock wore off, then they made up some dick jokes of their own. Such as : Pat's girlfriend at the time did not want a dicken sandwich, but would rather have dick n' cider...and on and on in that vein---okay, maybe not the best choice of words there....

In any case....there is such a thing as a "Dicken Sandwich". The name and idea is copyrighted to McNallys Tavern, which bythe way has quite a history-and is simply a Turkey dinner---in a sandwich. THATS IT!!!!!! The most fun you can have with your clothes on, folks. I can't wait to use the term at the church socials and the PTA meetings. Im thinking it will increase participation at my Book Club gatherings, if I mention that refreshments will consist of dicken sandwiches and coffee or tea......

I know its still early, and it was all I could do to wait til November, but its the 1st of November now and this is why I look forward to Thanksgiving!!!!!!

Sarah Palin is now the SECOND most powerful woman in the U.S.

FRI, NOV. 7, 2008

Obama's Loss Traced to Annette Dominguez

"Single Nonvoter Tipped Election to McCain-Palin Ticket "

Latest News
Gov. Palin: 'Lookit That—I'm The Second-Most Powerful Person In The World'
Neighbor: 'Annette Always Seemed So Normal'
World: 'Really? Again? Really?!?'
Health Care Advocates Predict Reform By 2034

Slow Week? Or Groundbreaking News? YOU Decide...

How to Find Out if Your Dog Likes McCain or Obama
By Eric Letendre
Rate: (6 Ratings)
Every four years the biggest election in the country takes place. It's an exciting time of the year for anyone even mildly interested in politics. But what about your dog? Is your dog a Democrat or a Republican? There is only one way to find out--you have to ask your dog. Before I go any further, I want to remind you that you should not get upset with your dog if they have a different political affiliation than you. Remember your Mother's advice: "Don't discuss politics, religion or money." In this article you'll discover how to ask your best friend this all important question.

Like Shooting Fish in a Fuckin' Barrel

What kind of person would I be if as a jumping off point, I were to use any of the pictures from this particular slide show? My integrity, consummate good taste, and credibility would forever (no matter how hard I scrubbed) be a wee bit tarnished.

Okay, that was hard...y'all know I don't give a fuck what people think. If they don't like what I write or post, they can take their ass elsewhere---oh, or THEY may be the subject of the next post..that's MY personal favorite.

So in the interest of wanting to post something and finding these pics to be like a car accident-you don't want to look, but still can't tear yourself away-consider this your Pre-Halloween trick post.....

New--> Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Dear Ms. Lulu (AKA "the girl child"),

I have decided to enter your shoes in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (of shoes).

Marvin the Martian will be made into the opening float. Look how overjoyed they are!!!

Your (not cheap) cosmetology school mannequin head life-partners HAVE been elected as the Parade Martials to co-represent the LGBT community in the hopes that NY state will soon follow other forward thinking states and legalize marriage for Gay and Lesbian citizens.

New YorkNote: By a May 29, 2008 directive, New York only recognizes gay marriages from couples legally married outside of the state. read more

Until your acceptance letter is received, please place these shoes in your room for safekeeping, as I know there will be a mad rush to get initial interviews with them by the tabloids.

Thank you,

The Management (AKA Mom)

Get your flu shots!!!!!!

By coincidence, I came down with what I thought was a cold---the day BEFORE-I had scheduled my flu shot.
Needless to say, I went downhill quickly. In bed, headaches, chills, pains, aches, thirst. I have spent 4 days so far drinking liquids, peeing and sleeping. The way I look at it, the only good (always the optimist) that can come of this is that I drop a few pounds.
I happened to begin to experience complications from my asthma and hightailed it to the doctor today. Steroids are wonderful. (I know they are bad for you...but why is it that the things that make you feel good are either fattening , immoral or dangerous?). I won't go into the specifics, but by tomorrow I will be reroofing the house, changing the oil and tuning up the car, pressure cleaning the neighbors house, cooking 5 course meals and making my students beg the nurse for extra meds to slip to their teacher.....ahhh, steroids.
But---->If you don't have asthma or chronic bronchitis which may cause your blood oxygen level to drop to 95% or less...you will have to follow the original regimen of liquids, tylenol, peeing and sleeping....no medrol dosepaks for you!!!!
Just be good to yourself and impose on you friends for chicken soup and runs to Publix for Ginger Ale (69 cents for 2 liters--such a deal).....

Obama, I love ya, but can you please stop calling?

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Obama, I love ya, but can you please stop calling?

I know its the big push...gotta get those uncommitted voters, gotta touch base with those early supporters , reinforce the strong points of the campaign, yadda yadda yadda. But O...times are tough and everytime you call me, you are using up my minutes!!! I find it hard to interrupt and cut off at the knees someone who sounds so nice and considerate when convincing me for the 47th time that I should vote for you. At this point , Im considering NOT voting so that I can not go into debt to pay my phone bill..unless of course you have a campaign promise for that...So let me reinforce the strong points of MY life....Im a professional and a student,a mother and a father, a lover not a hater, but sometimes a masterbater, doesn't really matter, im tired of all the chatter...so Obama, I love ya babe, but ya gotta quit calling.

Home vs Human Maintenance

In the process of settling into a new (to me) home, I have encountered a few things that have required replacing or fixing. This does not seem unreasonable to me, although I began to see parallels in a home that had not been "lived in" for a while and myself who has not been "loved in" in a while. Stop-I know what your thinking, too much information right? I don't care-its my blog-get your big girl panties on and deal with it....

So I'm on a mission--okay, maybe not a mission, but I have at least set a goal: Get out, get a guy, get ______. (You get to fill in the blank). I'm not even looking for Mr. Right. I will settle for Mr. Right Now at least for awhile....I have a whole new respect for the term "test drive". I'm not trading in for a newer model, however. I would like someone my age or a bit older. A LITTLE BIT older....Well, we shall see.

As part of my renovation, replacement, maintenance, etc. I have had to unearth some clothing that I had kind of left behind which, frankly, were sexy. I need to find places to go that will utilize these great clothes and meet men who will appreciate them-and me. AND after last Saturdays outing with a girlfriend, I realized that I'm going to have to do some serious exercise to get back in shape. Stay tuned....

Sooooo.......What have I learned?

I'm thinking that its true that "If you don't use it you will lose it and/ or it will rust, clog, sputter, stain,creak, stall, lose pressure, drip, crack, mildew. This also applies to home maintenance.

Ceiling Fan Sex

I shit you not...I sat straight up in bed at 3 at A .M yesterday because I could have sworn that I heard a MAN moaning and gasping and all while in "the act". Im thinking, damn.....that guy next door is pretty loud....and yes, I was still listening.....when I realized it was coming from the darn fan over my head.

So why was I listening? Well...if you have been around at all and have read this blog, you KNOW that I am a student of human nature---also known as a voyeur. Shoot me , ok? I yam what I yam.

What do I do???? Use WD40?, readjust the blades, recharge the rabbit and take advantage of the sound effect? I understand that this could be a good thing, but I also feel like it could be taunting me.........Any thoughts? (NOT YOU, JOE)

Moving, Moving On, Moving Out, Moving Along,Moving Up, Moving My Ass......

Ahhhh moving....As in moving from one place to another.....I hate it, dread it, but still, you'd think I'd be an expert by now. Grew up moving with my parents whenever a "better" opportunity came along in the way of building management, moving when I ran away and joined the Army, moving when I married an Army man, and of course the inevitable moving when the Army/Police man moved on to the trophy wife (please refer to Balls 1 and Balls 2----and that was ALL by the age of 24.

I hate it SO much, that I took 3 whole weeks to do it. I only moved as much as I could transport in my car one trip at a time, in the back seat and trunk without anything touching doors or ceiling of the car-unlike the illustration at left. Hence, the lack of update to my blog on a regular basis (well, as regular as it ever was).

The good news is that Im done and my life is settling into some semblance of its former self, albeit in a different setting. I HAVE although been finding things and making notes for future posts, so stay tuned.....

Surrogate Cat Sex

My kitty is in heat--My four-footed one,thanks

(no, Joe: Mine is not on the shelf, Bucko)

The poor thing is so miserable and Im going to get her fixed...she is on the list at the Spay Shuttle. Palm Beach County's answer to low cost, conveyor belt styled spay and neutering services. She is #1600 or was when I called and scheduled 2 months ago....

In the meanwhile, she is miserable and so are we. Its not the caterwauling that is usually the norm,but rather the rubbing and grunting and squirming and POSTURING that is the problem. So, I went online---and here is what I found. Once I got done laughing at the sheer perversity of introducing a q-tip into my cats vagina and simulating sex, I hid all the q-tips in case my son happened to read this post. Without further ado....please read the article that started it all....

How To Calm A Cat In Heat <--If anyone else has any realistic and less bestiality type hints, please feel free to let me know. Until then I will be attempting to cut in line at the Spay Shuttle...

Dinner With Julie Part 2

A continuation of the August 17th post where we make plans to go to dinner with a most excellent waitress.

We had agreed to meet at the Lantana Ale House, a kind of sports, music, inside /outside seating kind of place. I have eaten there quite often and knew that there was a variety of food which most likely would please all the members of our party.

When we arrived, the sign at the door asked you to wait to be seated-Julie moves on past it, scans the area and chooses a set of tables that she proceeds to put together for us. We are still sheepishly inching our way towards the tables, waiting for a wait staff to question why we did not wait---I guess she thought better of asking after seeing how Julie took charge of the situation...

We are seated (by Julie) when suddenly our real waitress comes out and begins her spiel forgetting to mention "Todays specials". Julie jumps on that like white on rice---I was starting to feel afraid for the young waitress. Julie takes everyones drink order and then recites it back to the girl in an organized fashion along with our appetizer order. I thought this was the end of it and that the girl would take the hint that she needed to step up her game. I relaxed and let out a deep breath.

Well we start perusing the menu and it turns out that Julie is the Gold Medal winner in the"I have some questions" event. Joe used to swear that it was me, but it turns out I cannot even score bronze against Julie. Of course, her questions are better than mine because she knows what goes on behind the scenes in a restaurant. My burning question is always, "Are the wings breaded or can I git em nekkid?", which is enough to make Joe roll his eyes and apologize for the trouble I causing...DICK.

HE did not say peep during Julies interrogation of the waitress concerning cooking methods, frozen or fresh, light or heavy, trans fat or not, cream versus milk, real ice tea vs powdered, etc. I kept waiting for him to comment....DICK. Not even a vein on his bald head stood out...DICK.

In any case, I appreciated Julies expertise as she timed the waitresses trips to the table, refills of water, accuracy of dinner order....NONE of which were to Julies standards. It came down to a tip countdown, whch is to say everytime the waitress did not DO what Julie considered to be timely and appropriate, the announcement was made of what her tip had decreased to. When I heard 17% and we had just been served...all thoughts of trying out this line of work some summer went right out the window...I was not worthy :)

Im not quite sure what the final total was, although the bill was about $126.00 for six people....

I can't wait to go out again with Julie and Mike...... and DICK.