Happy Veterans Day----Some More Reasons To Be Thankful

Thirty- two years ago, I had the bright idea of joining the Army (obviously the circus wasn't in town, or it could have gone that way). Let me set the scene: 18, problems with authority, hard headed, defiant, lazy, loud, disco queen, etc (Can someone say, "Private Benjamin?). You get the picture. All the things the US Army DID NOT want. I will not bore you with the details of my enlistment except to say that a good time was had by all (except perhaps my family, when I did stupid things that worried them). I DID have the dubious distinction of being in the first group of women to be known as "soldiers" and not WACs (Womens Army Corp) as we were the first to engage in co-ed basic training and responsible for the same level of mastery in all areas as the men--right alongside them .

What this country should be thankful for was that as a Vietnam War Era veteran, in a peacetime Army, I did not see combat. A few photos to snap you back into reality and be thankful for me. Don't thank me for being a veteran, thank me for not re-enlisting.....

Who Me? No, I dont know how your air mattress got holes in it!!!!

Not a sobriety test -->

Martha Stewart would be proud...this is my barracks room---all Holly Hobbied and Micky Moused up!!!!

I'm tellin ya...count your blessings, America!!!!

Name That Answer.....

There was a show once upon a time...It was called " Name That Tune"..The contestants would listen to a melody and name it before their competition did. Nice show, I really enjoyed it.

Name That Tune Michael vs. Barbara Part 1 of 2
by JackBauer112

Fast forward about 26 years.....The boy-child calls and asks for advice...could be cooking, cleaning, laundry, relationships, etc......whatever.I am advised that it is stressful for him to call because I have too much to say...

Not a problem, I know that I overdo the conversation to include pros, cons and alternatives to whatever the question was......usually losing the caller in the end.....

So now, my son prefaces his calls with the phrase, "Name that answer in 10 words or less. mom, I'm in a hurry"..this is usually in response to something he needs in the grocery store, work issues, school, and he needs it immediately-if not sooner. Love that about him....nothing has changed in 26 years.....So, now I have to name that answer in 10 seconds, give or take a few?Well, i'll try, but i can't promise...I'm Latin...nothing can be said in few words.
But seriously, he is my first...how can I deny him??? OK- I'll try....

Who am I kidding? Both my kids are MOST important... So, I better get it right

Chocolate News...No, Really !!

Here it is Wednesday. I'm recovering from my Tuesday Election night festivities at a local tavern (my candidate won) and very thankful that I can now go home and relax AND sleep. I get a call from a friend that I MUST watch South Park (I haven't watched that since Cartman found out about his father, or mother or something).
Well, I watched it and then this show called "Chocolate News" comes on. It's kind of like the Dave Chapelle Show, except its hosted and done by David Alan Grier. In any case, his opening monologue of course is the to-be-expected speech about Obama, and history and MLK yadda yadda yadda. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy the right person won, but its hard to beat the classy, eloquence of Obama's victory speech that night, and frankly, I'm done with hearing others go on about it.
So anyway, he goes into this skit where he is dressed as a woman who worked the polls during this election.....This is a great stuff....Wednesday night folks...Comedy Central....10:30, after South Park. Tune into "Chocolate News".....you will pee your pants. I did, but I'm menopausal...it's different with me....

Not as Smart as I Thought.....

I admit it...I'm stumped. The behaviorist, strategist, modification whiz... stumped!!!! Can you believe it? It is sooo frustrating to me that it almost brings me to tears.....

I know that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over while expecting different results....So why do I keep extending myself and keep giving people the benefit of the
doubt if time and time again they end up disappointing me? and of course, each time I end up feeling more stupid....

Could be Karma....I know that I have disappointed people who gave me the benefit of the doubt and then got nothing in return--or worse. So tell me beloved blog readers----what to do? I am open to all suggestions. I can't feel any worse than I do right now....

Dick n' Sandwich

Yup....you heard right. A few years ago, we were sitting around hours after the Thanksgiving meal, when my son said he wanted to have some pie. I said I was hungry as well. He asked what I was in the mood for and I said, "A dicken sandwich".

I thought my son's head was going to come off his shoulders. You would have thought I suggested that both he and his sister and I bond over some Brazilian Waxing sessions. It took some explaining, but he realized that I was talking about a REAL sandwich and not anything, uh...hmm, well, you know.....not a DICK and then a SANDWICH.

I'M YOUR MOTHER, FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!! I'm open, but not THAT open!!!!!

After the initial shock wore off, then they made up some dick jokes of their own. Such as : Pat's girlfriend at the time did not want a dicken sandwich, but would rather have dick n' cider...and on and on in that vein---okay, maybe not the best choice of words there....

In any case....there is such a thing as a "Dicken Sandwich". The name and idea is copyrighted to McNallys Tavern, which bythe way has quite a history-and is simply a Turkey dinner---in a sandwich. THATS IT!!!!!! The most fun you can have with your clothes on, folks. I can't wait to use the term at the church socials and the PTA meetings. Im thinking it will increase participation at my Book Club gatherings, if I mention that refreshments will consist of dicken sandwiches and coffee or tea......

I know its still early, and it was all I could do to wait til November, but its the 1st of November now and this is why I look forward to Thanksgiving!!!!!!

Sarah Palin is now the SECOND most powerful woman in the U.S.

FRI, NOV. 7, 2008

Obama's Loss Traced to Annette Dominguez

"Single Nonvoter Tipped Election to McCain-Palin Ticket "

Latest News
Gov. Palin: 'Lookit That—I'm The Second-Most Powerful Person In The World'
Neighbor: 'Annette Always Seemed So Normal'
World: 'Really? Again? Really?!?'
Health Care Advocates Predict Reform By 2034

Slow Week? Or Groundbreaking News? YOU Decide...

How to Find Out if Your Dog Likes McCain or Obama
By Eric Letendre
Rate: (6 Ratings)
Every four years the biggest election in the country takes place. It's an exciting time of the year for anyone even mildly interested in politics. But what about your dog? Is your dog a Democrat or a Republican? There is only one way to find out--you have to ask your dog. Before I go any further, I want to remind you that you should not get upset with your dog if they have a different political affiliation than you. Remember your Mother's advice: "Don't discuss politics, religion or money." In this article you'll discover how to ask your best friend this all important question.

Like Shooting Fish in a Fuckin' Barrel

What kind of person would I be if as a jumping off point, I were to use any of the pictures from this particular slide show? My integrity, consummate good taste, and credibility would forever (no matter how hard I scrubbed) be a wee bit tarnished.

Okay, that was hard...y'all know I don't give a fuck what people think. If they don't like what I write or post, they can take their ass elsewhere---oh, or THEY may be the subject of the next post..that's MY personal favorite.

So in the interest of wanting to post something and finding these pics to be like a car accident-you don't want to look, but still can't tear yourself away-consider this your Pre-Halloween trick post.....

New--> Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Dear Ms. Lulu (AKA "the girl child"),

I have decided to enter your shoes in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (of shoes).

Marvin the Martian will be made into the opening float. Look how overjoyed they are!!!

Your (not cheap) cosmetology school mannequin head life-partners HAVE been elected as the Parade Martials to co-represent the LGBT community in the hopes that NY state will soon follow other forward thinking states and legalize marriage for Gay and Lesbian citizens.

New YorkNote: By a May 29, 2008 directive, New York only recognizes gay marriages from couples legally married outside of the state. read more

Until your acceptance letter is received, please place these shoes in your room for safekeeping, as I know there will be a mad rush to get initial interviews with them by the tabloids.

Thank you,

The Management (AKA Mom)

Get your flu shots!!!!!!

By coincidence, I came down with what I thought was a cold---the day BEFORE-I had scheduled my flu shot.
Needless to say, I went downhill quickly. In bed, headaches, chills, pains, aches, thirst. I have spent 4 days so far drinking liquids, peeing and sleeping. The way I look at it, the only good (always the optimist) that can come of this is that I drop a few pounds.
I happened to begin to experience complications from my asthma and hightailed it to the doctor today. Steroids are wonderful. (I know they are bad for you...but why is it that the things that make you feel good are either fattening , immoral or dangerous?). I won't go into the specifics, but by tomorrow I will be reroofing the house, changing the oil and tuning up the car, pressure cleaning the neighbors house, cooking 5 course meals and making my students beg the nurse for extra meds to slip to their teacher.....ahhh, steroids.
But---->If you don't have asthma or chronic bronchitis which may cause your blood oxygen level to drop to 95% or less...you will have to follow the original regimen of liquids, tylenol, peeing and sleeping....no medrol dosepaks for you!!!!
Just be good to yourself and impose on you friends for chicken soup and runs to Publix for Ginger Ale (69 cents for 2 liters--such a deal).....