Moving, Moving On, Moving Out, Moving Along,Moving Up, Moving My Ass......

Ahhhh moving....As in moving from one place to another.....I hate it, dread it, but still, you'd think I'd be an expert by now. Grew up moving with my parents whenever a "better" opportunity came along in the way of building management, moving when I ran away and joined the Army, moving when I married an Army man, and of course the inevitable moving when the Army/Police man moved on to the trophy wife (please refer to Balls 1 and Balls 2----and that was ALL by the age of 24.

I hate it SO much, that I took 3 whole weeks to do it. I only moved as much as I could transport in my car one trip at a time, in the back seat and trunk without anything touching doors or ceiling of the car-unlike the illustration at left. Hence, the lack of update to my blog on a regular basis (well, as regular as it ever was).

The good news is that Im done and my life is settling into some semblance of its former self, albeit in a different setting. I HAVE although been finding things and making notes for future posts, so stay tuned.....

Surrogate Cat Sex

My kitty is in heat--My four-footed one,thanks

(no, Joe: Mine is not on the shelf, Bucko)

The poor thing is so miserable and Im going to get her fixed...she is on the list at the Spay Shuttle. Palm Beach County's answer to low cost, conveyor belt styled spay and neutering services. She is #1600 or was when I called and scheduled 2 months ago....

In the meanwhile, she is miserable and so are we. Its not the caterwauling that is usually the norm,but rather the rubbing and grunting and squirming and POSTURING that is the problem. So, I went online---and here is what I found. Once I got done laughing at the sheer perversity of introducing a q-tip into my cats vagina and simulating sex, I hid all the q-tips in case my son happened to read this post. Without further ado....please read the article that started it all....

How To Calm A Cat In Heat <--If anyone else has any realistic and less bestiality type hints, please feel free to let me know. Until then I will be attempting to cut in line at the Spay Shuttle...

Dinner With Julie Part 2

A continuation of the August 17th post where we make plans to go to dinner with a most excellent waitress.

We had agreed to meet at the Lantana Ale House, a kind of sports, music, inside /outside seating kind of place. I have eaten there quite often and knew that there was a variety of food which most likely would please all the members of our party.

When we arrived, the sign at the door asked you to wait to be seated-Julie moves on past it, scans the area and chooses a set of tables that she proceeds to put together for us. We are still sheepishly inching our way towards the tables, waiting for a wait staff to question why we did not wait---I guess she thought better of asking after seeing how Julie took charge of the situation...

We are seated (by Julie) when suddenly our real waitress comes out and begins her spiel forgetting to mention "Todays specials". Julie jumps on that like white on rice---I was starting to feel afraid for the young waitress. Julie takes everyones drink order and then recites it back to the girl in an organized fashion along with our appetizer order. I thought this was the end of it and that the girl would take the hint that she needed to step up her game. I relaxed and let out a deep breath.

Well we start perusing the menu and it turns out that Julie is the Gold Medal winner in the"I have some questions" event. Joe used to swear that it was me, but it turns out I cannot even score bronze against Julie. Of course, her questions are better than mine because she knows what goes on behind the scenes in a restaurant. My burning question is always, "Are the wings breaded or can I git em nekkid?", which is enough to make Joe roll his eyes and apologize for the trouble I causing...DICK.

HE did not say peep during Julies interrogation of the waitress concerning cooking methods, frozen or fresh, light or heavy, trans fat or not, cream versus milk, real ice tea vs powdered, etc. I kept waiting for him to comment....DICK. Not even a vein on his bald head stood out...DICK.

In any case, I appreciated Julies expertise as she timed the waitresses trips to the table, refills of water, accuracy of dinner order....NONE of which were to Julies standards. It came down to a tip countdown, whch is to say everytime the waitress did not DO what Julie considered to be timely and appropriate, the announcement was made of what her tip had decreased to. When I heard 17% and we had just been served...all thoughts of trying out this line of work some summer went right out the window...I was not worthy :)

Im not quite sure what the final total was, although the bill was about $126.00 for six people....

I can't wait to go out again with Julie and Mike...... and DICK.

Miss Sister 2008---Coming to a church social hall near you!!!

Rome-Italian Priest Organizes a Beauty Contest--Finally someone is recognizing that nuns are women too and need to start becoming as self involved and superficial as the rest of their gender.

I know, I know...whats the world coming to? But did you really think that the world of high fashion, makeup, cosmetic surgery, and bitchiness would never expand to include the very women that practically pioneered the concept of the basic black dress?

Im not sure who the judges would be (thats a whole other blog post), but I would hope that they would be unbiased individuals with an appreciation for displays of womanly pulchritude. I mean, who can compete with Sophia Loren in a nuns habit?

I hope that we get to see some of this pageant, but while we are waiting, I have scoured the internet (okay, google images) for ideas as to what we would see... Im going to skip the Nuns Parade of Nations bit and go right to the talent show. Im thinking that many of these ladies would be performing this technique, perfected over many years of dealing with unruly Catholic school angels.

Then again there are the ones that have more of a Fine Arts bent and will wow you with their talent at painting from a live model.

What pageant would be complete without the Evening Gown competition? Black is a wonderful color. You can dress it up or down. An outfit you can wear from Convent, to classroom , to fetish convention to confessional, and back to the Convent.

The swimsuit competition is always popular (especially with the priests). Here is where the ladies can pull out all the stops and highlight their best assets . Modesty be damned...we gotta win!!!
But, as in any competition, there are winners and losers, and we would like to think that in the religious world, as community role models, that nuns would display admirable sportsmanship....well, you keep thinking that. Im here to tell you that they are just regular people and feel the ecstasy of winning and also the agony of defeat.

Gotta love it. Stay tuned.

Nun beauty pageant: Cat Fight at 11

Opportunist? or Optimist?

In the midst of constant weather reporting, active tornado sightings and at least one causing damage in Wellington (just 10 miles from me), Im so glad that there are still people that can see the humor.....
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Attention Aging Lesbians--You Need to Change To "Digital" Programming

My friend Joe and I can speak/discuss/debate and bicker about a plethora of subjects. He is Republican and I am Democrat. He likes Nine Inch Nails and I like James Brown. I am easy going and he is easily excitable. One of the best things we have in common is that we are tolerant of other peoples differences whether they are religious, sexual, culinary or fashion related.
So imagine my consternation when after telling a story ,multiple times, about a friend I have , who is a Lesbian and in her late 80's--Joe asks me if she is still a Lesbian. He asks me EVERY time. What does he think?
I watched this movie "Notes On a Scandal" with Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett. Heres the gist:

One of the best movies we've seen in a few years, "Notes on a Scandal" is a complex story, beautifully scripted and filmed by Director Richard Eyre. But let Rolling Stones' Peter Travers summarize it:
Blanchett plays Sheba Hart, a new art teacher at London's St. George School. Beautiful and upper-class, Sheba has an older husband (the ever-amazing Bill Nighy) and a son with Down syndrome. She is also having it on with Steven Connolly (Andrew Simpson), one of her fifteen-year-old students. It's Sheba's bad luck that while giving Steven a vigorous blow job she's caught by Barbara Covett (Dench), a lesbian teacher who agrees not to make a scandal if Sheba will become her friend. There's more, much more. And until the film goes off the deep end of melodrama, you'll be riveted. This is the bravest, riskiest role of Dench's brilliant screen career.
The film ends with Dench on the bench were she watches life pass by in front of her and awaits her next female victim. But her time on earth, and her profession life as a teacher, is growing short. Mixed up beauties like Blanchett don't come along every day. So a large part of her life is filled with bitter longing.
The use of sonata form to tie in the parallels between beginning and ending is highly effective, and emotionally rounds off the drama on an appropriate dissonant chord. It is almost as though a serial killer lies in wait for her next victim. It is inevitable that she come along. We wait with her.

But I digress...today as we were having breakfast--at Toojays--served by Julie---I got a call from my friend and Joe again asks---"Is she still a lesbian?" That did it....I turned to him and asked if he thought that women should change their thinking or how they express their sexuality if they are a lesbian of a certain age?

What do they need to do? Change to "digitalization" as opposed to being with a partner? What was the solution? Should they contact "CUMCAST" for their needs? Tell me Joe...is their a cutoff age for Lesbians and their sexual orientation? I welcome your logical and pithy explanation...

Flo the Waitress Has Been Spotted at Toojays in Lake Worth

Dinner with Julie-Part 1

Remember the show "Alice"? It was a show set in Mel's Diner in Phoenix, Arizona. There was Mel, the owner/cook, Vera the shy waitress, Alice the newly arrived single mom waitress and Flo-my favorite.

My favorite because she was real- real honest, real loud, real intolerant of assholes and fools---My kinda woman.

As a point of reference, the picture of the cast of "Alice" is pictured on

the left. The blonde woman is Flo. Dont worry about anyone else in the picture, she is the only one that matters, except for the customers she abused, which are NOT pictured and are too many to present here.

Now.....please see the image of Julie (real name) at top right. I think Julie resembles Flo. Just my opinion. That is where the resemblance ends. I thought Flo was "assertive". Julie makes Flo look like Mother fuckin Teresa. She is a waitress at Toojays deli in downtown Lake Worth, and has been in this line of work for years apparently and successful for her inimitable way of interacting with customers whether they are hers or not. She is great....like a mind reader almost.....don't piss her off and she will meet your every need---even before you know you have one.

My friends Joe and David invited me along to breakfast one morning and I met Julie. I thought she was great. Especially when she was having a conversation with us and told someone that was trying to speak that "they were not in this conversation and should shutup" -I think my dang nipples got hard.....

I had such a good time that Joe suggested we go to dinner later on. Julie's significant other Mike was at Toojays during all this and thought dinner was a good idea. So we made plans......I was curious...what is it like to go out to dinner with a person who is a server-and a good one?

I Am Now Half a Century Old

July 29, 1958-A day that will live in infamy!!! ---at least to the individuals who had the dubious pleasure of being around me as I grew up and some others that sauntered thrugh my life after adulthood.

What other important milestones occurred on my birthdate? THIS DAY IN HISTORY Check it out....

So what does reaching 50 mean? For me it means gratitude that I am still alive and have not killed myself with as many stupid stunts I have participated in. I will not list them here, but instead have documented many in about 15 journals so far which will not see the light of day until I am dead and cannot be held responsible for whats in them.

On the other hand, I have done many good things that I am proud of and in the acknowledgement of perhaps another 50 years on this earth, I hope to do as much good as possible before I depart.....

Im grateful for my parents, my sisters and their families, my children, and the handful of individuals I consider to be friends...and you know who you are.

So Happy Birthday to me and here's to another great 50.... Please fasten your seatbelts, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

The Big Apple----Never Disappoints.....

Today we decided to go into the city, as is our habit when we are visiting here. My parents were closer to the city before they moved, requiring only a short (3 mile) bus drive to the Subway station. But now, they are about 45 miles north and requires us to get on a commuter train to get to Grand Central and THEN use the subway system. Interesting change, and beautiful ride, but expensive especially if you do need the train to get into the city everyday....Our initial cash outlay for 2 round trip tickets PLUS 2 metro card fares for the subway=$49.00. We probably added about another $8 to that by taking more subway rides than we had

planned. But still, its worth it.

As always, I look forward to the eclectic collection of performers to be found in New York City's unique "underground arenas". Here you will find string quartets, comedians, card sharks, a capella singers, and of course the ubiquitous hip hop/ break dancer genre of entertainment.

And did I mention that they are also cute? What great personalities. The best part? They were working!!!!!!! Yes, they were soliciting money in the form of donations, but they were not on a street corner or a busy intersection just panhandling. I think the next "Americas Got Talent" should be held underground at several key NYC subway terminals--they are obviously overlooking a substantial source of talent.

We went to the upper east side to visit friends and have lunch, to SoHo to shop at American Apparel (Why? Because they charge $20 for shipping when you order online, so flying to New York to shop made sense----okay, at least to my daughter), to Times Square to have our usual photo op with "The Naked Cowboy", but we couldn't because he is in some kind of litigation with the Mars company over them dressing up an M&M like him or something. (Naked is featured in the latest issue of Time magazine-Aug 11) and finally anywhere I can get New York Pizza and perhaps an Italian ice- or 4.

and last but not least, since Lulu couldnt take her annual picture with the Naked Cowboy, she had her picture taken with his wannabe body double

Love In the Afternoon...And the Afterlife...

After taking it easy from Fridays travels (and recovering from Fridays self medication after effects), I was eager to spend time with my parents and catch up....My daughter wanted to get out and explore since she had never visited this particular area since my parents moved. She took off and came back a couple of hours later with a great story....

My parents live in Carmel, New York; an area rich in history related directly to this country's early establishment. Surrounding towns have plaques and signs with dated information as far back as 1788, by my own observation. So it stands to reason that the nearby cemetery would be a pretty interesting place to visit . She walks down the hill and around the winding roads and goes to the Raymond Hill Cemetery.

She's walking around, taking photographs of some interesting tombstones, etc and she happens to see a couple sitting among the grave markers. She continues to stroll and snap pictures, and occasionally glances at the couple. All of a sudden she notices that the girls head is no longer visible. Circling around as unobtrusively as possible, she notices that the girl in question is still there, as is the boy, but she is uh, "otherwise engaged". With that discovery, Lulu hot foots it home to tell the story, to the amazement of my mother--not so much me, but you knew that....

Here are some pictures of some of the markers...

Obviously the one on the right is fairly recent....but great nonetheless...
NOT what she expected in this small town, but what the hell...she's my daughter and likes the twists and turns that life throws her....