Frequent Flyer VS Infrequent Flyer

The down and dirty---I used to jump out of planes about 31 years ago. Once I had kids, I became skittish and did not fly (or take unnecessary risks) unless necessary-unless I could have a parachute. Since a parachute is not considered carry on luggage, I became a white-knuckled, martini drinking, sociable passenger. The better to numb the anxiety. Here is what it took to get to New York: A bottle of wine before leaving, 2 martinis at PBIA, 2 scotches on the plane, 2 martinis at ATL and 2 scotches on the plane to Westchester County Airport. I had to practically be poured into my mom's car. I make no apologies. I also did not consume as much as a root beer during my stay....Nuf said.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!! (Film at 11)

Summer time....and the livin's easy......for me, not so much. I have been working summer school (If not for the money, to keep me out of trouble). Annette=Trouble magnet. Just ask my pal Joe: AKA the trouble accelerator :)
Now that summer school is over, I am traveling home to NY to see my parents and sisters. I haven't been there in a while in spite of my Dad having a stroke last year. I did the balancing act of "do I stay or do I go, now". My family said no, not yet...so I didn't. But now its time....

Im flying up with my daughter and driving my Dads car back. We usually have a good time just kind of messing around, stopping anywhere we want, and eating strange things. My daughter introduced me to "Walking Tacos" on our last road trip. this requires a knowledge and prior planning to be able to visit many 7-Eleven stores between West Palm Beach and New York City.

This makes it easy to construct the "Walking Taco", to wit:

1. 1 small bag of fritos

2. 2 pumps of hot dog chili from the hot dog condiment dispenser

3. 2 pumps of melted cheese , also from the hot dog condiment dispenser

4. Close the top of bag, shake, grab a fork or spoon and ENJOY.

Heres the problem....

GAS!!!!! in the CAR!!!!---CONTINUOUSLY.......until the next scheduled 7-eleven stop, which of course means another round of Walking Tacos....oh well.....stay tuned for pics and updates......and requests for a good car detailer....

Happy Belated Anniversary----To Me!!!!!

How in the hell did I do that? I MISSED my one year blog anniversary by 2 days. I was so looking forward to it...damn.
Oh well, I guess I did celebrate in a way... I was out having a good time, right? That's all that matters....
In my search for an appropriate picture for this occasion, I came across this picture of Marilyn....I aspire to do this with my drink glass while I'm waiting to take the next sip, or a refill, or for a good looking man to notice or for someone to bring me my pants.
By coincidence, its the same knee that I had surgery on one year ago today....
I have had the best time this year...I hope y'all have as well.
Here's to more mindless frivolity...and I'll have whatever Marilyns drinking..

PLENTY....OF.....FISH!!!! Come on in..the waters fine....

Plenty of Fish -->International, easy to use, nice people and it's FREE!!!! I have been a member for about 4 years and have not been disappointed. I have met quite a few nice men and have made some friends. All worth the price of membership, which, if i haven't mentioned it, is FREE!!!! There are scheduled events for Fishys to gather and splish splash in the dating pond. I attended my first one ever last night.....
It was held at Club Safari at the PGA Marriott in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. I had sooooo much fun, and am thrilled to report that Disco is alive and well at Club Safari, complete with experienced, confident and fun loving singles. I was in heaven...there was not one person I spoke to that was not having a good time whether they were on the dance floor or not.... I was there for only 2 hours, but went home feeling pretty optimistic about the availability and openness of singles in my community to meet, mingle and feel good....
If you happen to go to Club Safari's website, you will notice the "Pole Dancing Contests" are advertised. Apparently wet t-shirt and other sophomoric type activities are held there. None of it in evidence last night---Thank God. Not that I have not participated in them in the past...But that's for another post another day...

The 305-561-954-407 SCAM-Cuz After All, We ARE Bigger Than Nigeria

Just when you thought we, as a people could not get any stupider or unoriginal, comes the South Florida Craigslist Scammers. Jesus, we already can't operate a voting machine, we are a hurricane magnet, the world looks at us like we have 10 fuckin' heads and now we think we are Nigerians......

I have posted some very inconsequential ads on Craigslist in order to get rid of some stuff we no longer needed. One was for a car and the other was for an unopened shipment of Nutrisystem meals.

I should have known there was something up when I got normal responses followed shortly thereafter by emails outlining how the funds would get to me, how the shipping would be done, etc, etc, etc----oh and of course that matter of me cashing the check and forwarding the funds to the shipper...hmm, forgot about that part....

By this time, I understand whats going on and should probably leave it alone and chalk it up to experience....But noooooo....not me....., Im thinkin' "Its time to fuck with these assholes...." and fuck I will....

I went to the bank, asked about the availability of funds for that check (never intending to cash it), got all wide-eyed and flustered when the bank manager came to tell me that the check was no good and that he was afraid that I was being scammed---SCAMMED!!! Heavens to Mergatroid!!! The indignity of it all.....Imagine me...scammed...

He explained how there was a rash of these situations and that I had to be veeerrrryyyy careful. He also suggested that I file a complaint with the sherriffs department. I thanked him and told him I would take it under advisement.

I went home to find an email from from my friendly buyer, wondering where I was in the process as he was extremely anxious to conclude the deal.. I responded by expressing my amazement that there would be a problem with the check, lightly referencing the fact that law enforcement had expressed an interest and that perhaps they should send a money order for the exact amount and that I (in my extreme benevolence) would take care of the shipping myself....yup, I said that.

Later, there is an email suggesting that I just sell the item to someone else......Did I let it go at that? Of course...NOT!!!

The following is my exact email back to them....

From: Sent: Wed 7/16/2008 5:13 PM
Annette
Subject: RE: SHIPPER'S INFORMATION!!
You can cell the item to another person bye

To:brain bab [mailto:brainbab6@hotmail.com]

From: Annette
The Palm Beach County Sheriffs department and Bank of America have solicited my help to begin an investigation in this case. I have not responded as yet because I went out of town today. I told them I had alot of aggravation and running around incurred in this deal without any financial renumeration to show for it. If I decide to go through with it, they will get the check, the UPS envelope, the remittance info, the ad,the emails and my personal banking information, in addition to my full cooperation plus perhaps a Crimestoppers Reward. They apparently have had a lot of other instances of this happening and are anxious to prosecute, as evidenced by their arrival at the bank yesterday when called by the manager for a check that they could not verify as being good.
I'm sorry that we were not able to work anything out....best of luck in the future
Annette

Happy Belated Fourth! A.K.A. 5G's in Fireworks Up In Smoke

One of the spectators tents erected on my front lawn for, well, the spectators...like me. The fireworks go on you know rain OR shine.....

So Im waiting for the pics from Friday you know? Waiting, waiting, waiting......The my bouncing baby boy alerts me to the fact that they are on his MySpace...I ask you is this anyway to treat the woman who suffered through 13 hours of labor to bring you into the world? That she should have to schlep to your MySpace and "steal" the pics? Enough kvetching, I promise...

I kept hearing about this great Fireworks party thats held every year by my friends, but which I had never attended. they were not kidding. This was overkill!!!!

My friend Sean spends about $5000 on fireworks and his neighbor Craig spends another $5000 and it becomes a fireworks dance off...for about 2 hours or more.....No breaks...gotta get your eating and drinking over with before dark..its all about the gunpowder after that....The picture to the right is SOME of the fireworks in the road that had accumulated. The Police did stop by----to ask us to sweep and clean up some of the used canisters so that cars could go by. Are you kidding? Not one car wanted to turn down that street. between the fireworks and about 50 people partying, it did not seem like a good idea.

This pic illustrates abut 1/5 of the amount of fireworks ONE of these gentlemen had stored up to use---unbelievable.

And another picture of the aftermath. The best Fourth of July I have had in years. People were wonderful, my kids and their friends were there. Food was great and in great abundance.....

When it was over (and i have to tell you that all the fireworks were not set off), everyone-I mean everyone-swept, bagged, picked up, disassembled and otherwise assisted in setting things right before leaving the are to go home. I think that was the best part and would make me not think twice about hosting another party in the future....

And Now For Something Completely Different....

Lilly McElroy --I first heard about this site in the newspaper or the magazine, made note of it and have finally gotten around to visiting it. The reason it got my attention in the first place was because Lilly throws herself at men. Not unusual in this day and age. Any Friday or Saturday night in any given bar across the world, WOMEN WILL THROW THEMSELVES AT MEN in various ways, shapes, forms, etc. but Lilly literally THROWS herself into mens arms, leaping through the air with apparently the greatest of ease.....as evidenced by her portfolio on the website.

I looked at it a few minutes ago, and throwing herself at men is not the only thing she does. She is a performance artist--a brave one---when you reflect on what she does and what kind of attention it gets.

The site is a bit different to maneuver around, but well worth the time to view

BLACK . SNAKE. MOAN.

Oh...My....
The title alone makes me want to powerwash my brain of sordid, libidinous, illicit, and politically incorrect thoughts...Thank God, I can't access a pressure cleaner.
It took me a couple of months to get around to placing this on my Netflix queue after having watched a trailer for it at Kat's house one afternoon. I do declare it caused ME to have a spate of the vapours, which notching up the ceiling fan and refreshing my Diet Coke barely alleviated. We both looked at each other and swore we would see THAT movie. Kat was the first and I made her swear not to spoil it for me under threat of NEVER being invited to the next fine dining and whining experience in my driveway.

How can I sum up the movie without spoiling it for those who may want to see it in the future? Well, first of all, let me tell you that I was expecting this just from the title before seeing the trailer

Then after seeing the trailer....I STILL thought it was similarly themed, except with a modern day twist.....but alas it was not . It was a love story....with the universal theme of love transcending all obstacles...with a twist.
Instead of a movie review/summary plot...I offer you some phrases that are associated with the movie.

My Fair Lady
mental health
mental illlness
anxiety
sexual abuse
promiscuity
football
football field
grass
Pygmalion
grass stains
dysfunctional families
stupid mothers
dirtbag stepfathers
Beauty and the Beast
Misery
pickup trucks
loyalty
alcohol
drugs
trailers
deep south
betrayal
religion
sex
black
white
racism, and obviously many, many, more.....
This movie is disturbing in the way a car accident is. You don't want to look, but you find it hard not to..

Could Y'all Pass Me the Monkey Dust ?

Over the years, my friends have always heard me refer to seasoning my cooking with "Monkey Dust". Their eyes would get big, they'd swallow hard and ask me what the hell Monkey Dust was.
Did they think I kept 2 monkeys in the cabinet and rubbed them together over the pot to generate monkey dust? Or perhaps my smoking monkey taps his ashes into the sauce between stirrings?
Well, the term has a history, but I never went into it with them. I just tell them its a seasoning blend I had started using while living in the Glades and they simmer down real quick like. (Must be because I speak with an air of authority)

Yesterday, my friend Kat, who is spending the summer in her New York City pied `a terre, called and left a message on my cell phone. "What exactly is in Monkey Dust"? was the question. Hmmm..I really need to tell the story once and for all....and send her some cuz she won't find it up there in Yankee Land. I don't think anything with the word "Everglades" can be sold north of the Mason -Dixon line....It's IN the rule book...

Everglades Seasoning® "Food Seasoning" (a.k.a. Monkey Dust)

When Mess Sergeant Bill Gerstman arrived in Saipan in 1944, he encountered a situation which most thought had no hope. Gerstman found the soldiers of the 714th Rescue Mission so disgusted with eating only mutton and goat that they were dumping their rations into the sea.

Gerstman was raised on a small farm in Alabama and was taught that anything could be made to taste good if seasoned properly. In keeping with that philosophy, Gerstman began experimenting with various herbs and spices. The result was a secret recipe that not only satisfied the soldiers' appetites, but the delicious taste had them coming back for more. Soon the troops were using Gerstman's seasoning on mutton meatballs, eggs, vegetables, potatoes, and any other ration which required seasoning.
After completion of his military duties, Gerstman returned home to the states and resumed his trade as meat cutter/butcher at the LaBelle Trading Post in LaBelle, Florida. With spices and seasonings easier to obtain, he perfected his secret recipe, calling it Monkey Dust, to the delight of many customers who patronized the small general store.

In 1976, the secret formula was finally perfected, the famous logo was patented and EVERGLADES SEASONING was born. Gerstman seasoned local meats for years until, in 1985, he sold the recipe to Gene and Martha Cross, owners of the LaBelle Trading Post. For the next seven years, Gene and Martha Cross began distributing Everglades Seasoning in southwest Florida on a limited bases. During this period, sales grew steadily as word of mouth advertising was creating more demand for the secret recipe.

Later on when I moved away from the Glades area, I started using Badia Complete Seasoning, but continued to refer to it as Monkey Dust..because its easier...

Now...this morning I discovered a new favorite seasoning:

Cooter Rub !!!!!!!!

Can you imagine what fun I can have with this little phrase? and it starts tonight with the grilled fish....mmmmmmm

Whats Next? The Ovary Cook Off?

Just when you thought you had heard it all, comes a festival for TESTICLES. I was reading the blogs I like since I had some time on my hands and went to Flack and Proud , because this blog never disappoints...sometimes I feel like we may have been separated at birth, but thats another theme...
I did not know that testicles got their own festivals and more surprisingly--in UTAH. I thought the Garlic fest was as wild as it got. Woohoo...a reason to say balls and testicles all weekend long, and think of witty tongue in cheek sayings...Sorry I missed it...but read that blog post and here is a link to the news story...film at 11.....
Have a ball....