I'd Like My Martini Extra Dirty, Please.....

Until now, the only thing I had to worry about was that I DID get olives in my Martini. It turns out that I also have to decide whether my olives are 'placed' or 'thrown." PLACED? THROWN? What the hell does that mean and why is it interfering with one of the last socially acceptable pre-dinner activities of the modern world?

I searched high and low for an answer, but to no avail. I also could not find a picture of a jar of placed or thrown olives. Just take my word for it--they exist. Go to a grocery store and go to the olive section. The spanish olives (green with the pimento, for example) are in jars and are labeled either thrown or placed.

Finally, I asked an olive expert(also known as a buyer) from the deepest darkest caverns of the Publix Distribution Headquarters in Lakeland, Florida. Are you ready for what that means? Get ready...this is going to be very difficult to understand:

**Placed olives are "placed" in the jar by hand, so they face out and look pretty. PRETTY!!!!
**Thrown olives are "thrown" in the jar or more likely machine packed.

Placed or thrown? Look at the jar...if you can tell the difference, you are a better person than I--or even Martha Stewart, I bet.......
As for me? After the second Martini, I couldn't care less where they "place" me OR "throw" me.

PLACED VS THROWN--> Now you HAVE a choice

Get Your Balls Out of Your Wife's Purse-Part II

Okay, I felt significantly better after that last post. I could regale you with other examples of supreme stupidity on this couples part, but why spend the energy? Well, okay....maybe one more instance of inequality in the treatment of ones children....

Back when my son was in middle school, my ex-husband approached my with the idea of getting my son braces (he did not need them accoeding to his dentist), the pitch was that I would pay for half. T understand the stupidity of this idea, let me lay some groundwork. The husband is a police officer over 10 years, the wife is a school teacher. I am the sole supporter of my family, working full time and going to school full time to BECOME a teacher. You follow me? When I explained that not only did Patrick not need braces, I could not afford to pay for them and in addition there was a little detail they had forgotten: Dad was responsible for health and dentist care.....Instead, what I got was a dissertation on what an awful mother I was, yada yada yada ad nauseaum.....



Well, he did not get braces....I didn't fall into their guilt trap and everyone turned out just fine.....

I think my son has gotten over it and even threwa party at their house for his spearfishing club. Its the least they could do for being such idiots........

In my next life, Im going to have that asshole magnet removed from my forehead....

Get Your Balls Out of Your Wife's Purse - Part I

<--The Ex's Wife




That's right folks, I said it...and If I need to, I will say it to him: the ex-husband...the father of my son...

I have never wanted to go back in time and I have not regretted much about my life, especially since other than grow and be a better person, there is nothing I can do to change the past. Everyone makes mistakes and I have made more than my share. My children are the best thing in my life. They are kind, compassionate, caring, creative and strive to do the right thing

My son who is 25, and a good person...who has more care and compassion for other people in his little pinkie than his father has in his whole body, deserves better treatment. He is being treated like a red-headed stepchild (well, I guess he is- to the wicked step-monster). My ex-husband has 2 more children with his wife (in fact thats the reason we divorced- but thats another rant) and although I have made every effort over his lifetime to live close by (usually about 1 mile away and yikes-sometimes closer) so he could spend time with his Dad, as they all got older, it is painfully obvious to my son that he does not share in the same financial perks that his half brother and sister do. However, he is expected to spend Fathers day and Mothers Day, Thanksgiving and other family times whenever its called for over there. In the name of peace and harmony, I have always acquiesced and have not made a big deal over it, even though the reality is that I have always been the one to help him out of jams, listen to him, advise him and generally support him in his endeavors.

Perhaps I am personalizing this because i made sacrifices to smooth the way for him and it was for naught. he is feeling the disparity, I am feeling cheated again. I feel like telling my son to forget about them and just stay away, but it wouldn't be right. I would be telling him what I would do---and how well has that really served me? I want to let him know that Im proud of him for doing the right thing, hustling to make ends meet and making his way in the world even though other people are dicks.

Lets take a break for a moment for some levity before I become emotional and lose sight of the message here:


Some Holiday Gift Suggestions for the Ex's New Wife

A pendant and matching earrings

OR--For the rugged "you wont be needed THOSE anymore" kinda gal....perhaps a truck accessory would be more appropriate.....

in any case..there's a plethora of appropriate gifts this season---and dont forget: "They're Fun For the Whole Family"!

Hmmm, well, I feel alot better, but I need to get to sleep. Blogging and that shot of liquid courage helped me, but you know the problem will still be there in the morning---so look for Part II- The Case of the Braces Budget

Night Night....

Thanksgiving Leftovers

This week marked the beginning of the holiday craziness. Notice, I did not even mention Black Friday(I'm not crazy about that name). I did notice that in some stores, the Halloween, Thanksgiving AND Christmas stuff was on display simultaneously. This does not work well for me as a person who depends on store displays to remind her what season and holiday is currently occurring. I saw Christmas stuff in October and panicked...shit, where the hell did time go? I have not prepared (which by the way, apparently is my mantra) and again, thought I got caught with my pants down.

The nicest thing about the After-Thanksgiving school break is that the kids at my school have had ( and will continue to have until Dec 7th) the incredible opportunity to meet and work with a gentleman who in terms of a disability defies the odds and truly has inspired them to greatness. He is Sidiki Conde from Guinea, 46 years old and was struck by polio at the age of 14, rendering his legs useless. Instead of succumbing to the disability, he intensified his efforts to meet and surpass his own expectations. He performs with a group dancing, drumming and singing. He is amazing to watch and truly has the heart and patience I aspire to. I took some video of he and the kids during their rehearsal yesterday. They have been rehearsing this week and will continue next week in preparation for a Holiday Showcase at the Duncan Theatre on the Palm Beach Community college Campus, Saturday December 8th. Here is a video clip of their afternoon yesterday (look for more in the future!) and an audio clip of one of Sidiki's songs to his mother

Missing In Action

It has been a busy 2 months. This blog has been on my mind, but due to about a dozen unforeseen circumstances (when it rains it pours), I have been pretty exhausted. This evening will mark the return of moi to regular online posting. Expect to see some emotional family stuff, some mea culpa's I never thought I would even ponder, more man stuff (adventures in dating is what I prefer to call it) and some exciting prospects coming up in my quest to get published.

I need someone in my life....for the fun things – 58

THAT is the title of the personal ad referenced below

Hello ladies. Hear me out. I'm just a normal, hispanic male, professionally employed, fun to be with, love to laugh, and enjoy life. I'm looking for a woman of like mindedness. I have lots of love to give, and am fun to hug, kiss, laugh with, and I can hold an intelligent conversation, on just about anything........let's talk..

(as posted on Craigslist in West Palm Beach, Florida)

Just when you think that you have the skills necessary to read between the lines of a personal ad and dismiss all that are cheesy, dishonest, looking for supermodels or a slaves, comes a new breed of ad. This ad does not mention marital status. Not a word to indicate whether the author is single, separated, divorced,or widowed. We only know that he is alive, that he has internet access and is probably familiar with match.com, craigslist, plentyoffish.com or eharmony (who by the way, after 2 attempts to submit a completed profile, informed me that there is not anyone in the universe they could match me up with). As an individual in the education field, I would even compromise on the spelling aspect, just to find Mr. Right.

Please refer to the ad at the beginning of this article. Sounds pretty good, huh? I’m a 49 year old woman, professional, love to have fun AND Hispanic. A match made in heaven-or at least a pretty good start. I don’t come across ads like this often, so I decided to contact this person. I immediately received a response with a thank you and a picture with an invitation to call him and remit a picture of myself if I was so inclined. Well, I was so inclined and proceeded to scan my miniscule stash of pictures on my hardrive for the most accurate representation of myself and replied with 2 pictures, my cell phone number and invite to call me sometime as well.

The next day, while I was at work, I received a phone call from-lets call him Henry-and we chatted a bit. At the end of the conversation he asked me what I was “looking for”. I felt like a john calling an escort service and responding to a code phrase designed to avoid the appearance of solicitation. I responded that I was looking for people to meet, get to know, become friends with and ultimately marry at some point down the road. He seemed to understand and apparently was not scared off because he asked if he could call me later. I was thinking I could be on to something here. The conversation did not culminate in an urgency to meet, but rather more conversation. Could it be that there was someone out there just as cautious as I was?

In the evening, I received another phone call from Henry (how did I know?-I had already optimistically saved his number and name in my contacts, silly). We chatted a bit more and we talked about our kids and pets and agreed that we would continue to communicate on the phone a bit longer and think about a meeting for coffee perhaps in the future. Again, he asked me what am I looking for ( I swear I was thinking if he asks me again im going to think he is mentally disabled or just plain stupid) Oh, happy day! I was already planning where to go and what to wear. Could he call me tomorrow during my lunch break? Absolutely, I replied, need you ask?

Tomorrow comes and no phone call at lunch, no phone call in the evening. The day after that , no phone call at lunch and then an email in the evening asking if I received his message. I jump to my phone and listen to my voice mails. Nothing there. I check my text messages and there it is. “Will u c me if im married?”. I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry. As I absorbed what this meant, I started rehearsing my time worn, indignant how dare-you speech. I even entertained the thought of agreeing to see him and using him for financial gain and good times before cutting him loose-just to teach him a lesson of course.
While I was playing all these scenarios out in my head, I receive a voicemail (having missed the call). He was apologizing for not telling me he was married and hoped that it would not be a barrier to me seeing him. A barrier? A barrier? Marriage to another person is a barrier? What a jerk… I went to my computer and sent him an email: “I received your messages and would like to have a conversation with you. Please call when you get a chance”. About 10 minutes later, the phone rings. He must have thought that if I wanted to talk, that on some level, I was considering a relationship with him. Well, I was not, but instead of laying into him on the phone and that being the end of the story, I decided to make him think a bit and perhaps feel foolish and as an added bonus, perhaps dishonest and dishonorable as well.

I reviewed with him his personal ad. Not a mention of marital status. Most people lead with that since it is a selling point and immediately helps you decide whether you are interested in dealing with a divorced man that has kids, or a widower who just lost a spouse, etc. But not this guy, nope, not Mr. Wonderful. He looking for fun, and you should be too!! Fuddy duddys need not apply is the implication behind the headline and ad. He commented that his ad was quite clear regarding his status. Clear? I pressed on and asked what the purpose of asking me what I was looking for was, if he knowingly could not provide it. Silence. Did he think that I was a woman who deserved less than what I was looking for? Is there a reason why he felt it was not important to disclose the fact that he was married, if not in the ad, than certainly in the first email or god forbid the first phone conversation? Again, my querys were met with silence and then some comment about how some women don’t mind a man being married. Instead of beating a dead horse and going round and round with this guy, I finally told him that it was against my values to romantically entangle myself with a married man as much for my own benefit as well as his wife’s, who by the way, I was rapidly feeling sorry for. We ended the phone call with him telling me he respected my decision and that it had been a pleasure talking with me. I wished him luck in all his endeavors (a saying my best friend always ends our conversations with when there is nothing left to say) and hung up.

I wake up the next morning and have a voicemail waiting. “Good morning Annette, Im calling to let you know that perhaps we could still meet for that cup of coffee and be friends because you know you can never have too many friends”…. Sincere? Or just another manipulation….hmmm. Response on my part? Silence.

I'mmmmm baack.....

Like Randy Travis sings. "You've been too gone, for too long, don't even put your suitcase down...".

I can assure you that my time away has been well spent. The remainder of my recovery was such that i was up and about and didn't have time to sit and blog. Good for me and perhaps-some would say...good thing :)

I spent about 3 weeks resting and getting situated. Probably more time resting than situating

The Unhappy Knee: A Social Story

Well folks, as you can see, the left knee is unhappy. The right knee wants to make it smile. The left knee is not having any part of it. The right knee says, "Come on, lets go dancing. I'll even let you lead" . Instead it wants to wallow in self pity and maybe a martini or two intermittently wailing "Why me?" between sips....

The good news--> the visit to the doctor went well. She got all the wire out except for a piece that is behind my knee-ouch and that she says she tried to get, but just could not. Unless it causes a problem, surgery to remove it is a high risk deal because of artery, veins and other encumbrances.

Bad news--> The stitches stay in and I return next Wednesday morning. At which time i will be moved into my new first story digs and able to devote myself to physical therapy and the business of getting better.

Ah--There they are!!!!

Its not a great picture,(my camera is MIA and I had to use a webcam) but you get the idea. The high heeled, 1940's bedroom diva accessory. the only thing missing is a long cigarette holder and a maribou trimmed peignoir- but Im working on it.....
Im not one to enjoy sitting still for any amount of time, so I am dividing my time between deciding what to pitch as I scale back possessions and then elevating and icing the leg. Tomorrow, i see the doc, I have an 8" scar (I peeked) with about a jillion staples). Im going to need some liqid courage before I let her loose with those staple removers. She might need something as well-like earplugs.

where are my red patent leather bedroom mules with the frou frou on the tops?

Well...I will be brief...I feel a bit better today. Im getting around, and Im starting to feel bored ( all good signs). I have not been taking pain pills and would really like a drink, but I will be good and just relax, JUST in case I do need a pain pill later.
I have been in my closet...perusing the shoes....trying to decide....what to do?........
I think Ill pack something (Im moving) and perhaps something will come to me...an idea, a glass of wine, a martini, or perhaps the name of a medical malpractice attorney, who knows?